I am really enjoying the end of this decade and have been thinking about what has taken place. And I feel so ready for all the new things that I have been working toward to support the New Year and the next ten years of my life.
I have been focusing on what I want in my life and what I am ready to leave behind. The last ten years began for me with a terrible auto accident that left me and my husband stunned, shaken and weakened for quite a long time. Recovery may still be ungoing due to the effects of tissue damage, sometimes worse than broken bones. The nightmare of that time coincided with a depressing decline in our business and a feeling that we are spinning our wheels and not going anywhere.
As the recovery began I decided that I didn't want to stay in a helpless, victimized position and truly wanted to heal and direct my attention on getting well and moving forward. By just thinking that way I felt myself improve physically and found ways to overcome the effects of my disabled body. My interests ranged from Reiki healing, chiropractic sessions, Adam the DreamHealer, positive thinking, the Hicks who talk about the law of attraction in real life ways, and healing in general. The most helpful of all and I must say the most profound for me was the change that affected my way of thinking. That had to do with the Course in Miracles.
No one told me to read it. No one promoted it. It was truly a gift from spirit or possible my own subconscious that wanted answers. I found myself thinking about the Course in Miracles which I had vaguely seen somewhere or heard somewhere, I know not where. After I located the book, and started reading it-the format is a page or lesson a day-I could see the mental constructs that I was operating from, how some were helpful and some just plain ol dumb. For a year I studied the CIM and for the next three years felt the effects as I began to adjust my thinking to a new reality and understanding of my life.
Of course in between all that was 9/11 and all the ramifications of that turmoil which as citizens of USA we were all engulfed in. Also damaging political policies, lies, and the general malaise and unproductivity of the administration, the secrecy and the unwillingness to move this country forward in an intelligent thoughtful way was frustrating. Here was Christine having her own moments of sheer sanity, clarity and thoughtfulness about a new direction. Here was Christine, a 50 years plus female, a mother, wife, an artist, a teacher, a thinker, having major hissy fits with herself and her life!
I don't know if everyone starts reflecting big time when they turn 50. Maybe some do and some don't. I have always been rather introspective as well as rather emotional about stuff. Learning how to work with my energies has been a revelation. That I can channel my energy in the direction I choose. That I am creating my own reality by my thoughts, my actions, my goals and how I act on them.
So as the decade developed my growth took place but with major growing pains as well. Shedding an old skin can be painful when I don't know what the new one will feel like. Do I really want to give up the old, disfunctional coat for a new one that is untried? Christine being Christine being an adventuresome person has no choice. She goes forward, she figures stuff out, she assesses where she has been and where she wants to go. The planning moves forward. New ways of thinking continue to take place. A realization that I don't have to settle for what doesn't work. That I can be true to myself and be honest with myself even if it is painful. That is a bit of a joke though because the pain is only from not letting go. The pain doesn't need to be there. The pain is disfunctional and only a scab on true emotional, mental and physical growth. Pull it off, let what's teeming under the surface come up, examine it, and see what's under it: the real me that wants to come forward and is coming into herself.
Some teachers say that this is inevitable. That all personal growth will take place throughout time and incarnations. So we are all going into greater and greater awareness. I happen to believe this is true. Whether it is true or not for others, it does seem like the lessons we learn are going to happen and we can't stop them. As long as we are breathing stuff happens and we go through life either kicking, screaming, or enjoying the ride.
I have kicked and screamed for a long time. I have scratched my nails on the blackboard and felt the shiver of discontent many many times. I have also felt extreme happiness, satisfaction, joy, harmony, peace, contentment, and acceptance. I am choosing the smooth ride....that's it: the smooooooooooooth ride! Can you feel it?
So as the decade ends and I reflect on all the things that took place, I am willing to close up that ten years and put a big red bow on it and call it a gift of wonderful knowlege, understanding, that came with a price>the price of leaving it for another reality> the reality of a continuing exploration of a greater expansion of awareness of what my life is really all about.
When I turned 50 I had a conscious thought that I wanted to life 50 more years. Now I am at the +10 after that and I swear it is getting even better. Don't let anyone tell you that life ends at any certain time or age. The jokes may keep coming but life does improve like fine wine, aging and mellow with each year.
I look forward to 2010 and if you are reading this blog I urge you to examine your own year, your own life and create your own 2010. Make your new year the most exciting year of your life. Start by working on a plan for greater happiness. Get rid of what's holding you back from the happiness you deserve. Explore where you have never gone before. You are a wonderful individual with a very specific reason for being on planet earth. Do you know your mission? Are you united with it and purposeful in its expression? Love more and hate less. Let the love in your heart come out more and the anger and frustration become the exception rather than the norm. Allow your self the freedom to be, to see, to live and love the life you deserve(sorry if this is corny!) but it has to be said! Make the next ten years a blueprint for the most incredible decade of your life and watch yourself go there. Take the dare from an aging Polish princess.
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